She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
try to milk me bitch
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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