i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So drunk its hurt
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can't motorboat a personality
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize