I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
