Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I know her cup size but not her name....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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