We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
