There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
