I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
