Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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