I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
