Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
