hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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