Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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