they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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