At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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