I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
