Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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