He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had sex on a dog bed..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Panties = found
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