WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
