fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
