my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
