I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
