dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
