people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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