I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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