Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
