This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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