Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
