okay pat passed out under dana's car
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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