it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
