I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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