i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
