I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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