Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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