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i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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