In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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