i jhust puked up my retainher.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
