Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
