I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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