No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
