Fine. I'll sleep in my office
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
