we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
