i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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