I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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