YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
