I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
