Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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