My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
