i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
420 ftw
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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