I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
