i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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