I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So vagazzling was a success
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