I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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