Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
