hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
