There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
