My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
