I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
