He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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