Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
two words...techno handjob
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
