I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
