I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
