she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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