I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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