Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
