I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
