i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
