my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
