is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
