just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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