Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize