I'm gonna have a badass scar
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
