I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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