3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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