I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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