so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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