He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
