So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
