he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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