I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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