dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
