Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
