a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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