what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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