So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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