in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
