just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
